I should not be allowed to have bubblegum. You should not give me access to bubblegum. (I may or may not be covered in bubblegum.)

How big do you think I can blow this bubble? You know what's fun? Blowing the biggest bubble you can find and then popping it on your face, while wearing glasses. You know what's also fun? Stretching out the bubblegum with my fingernails. 

O hey there, bubblegum. I didn't know you could find SO MUCH to stick to. Like, say, all the exposed skin on my body, and all of my clothing and hair as well. 

Plz do not ever give me bubblegum.